Monday, April 24, 2006

What started out bad, ended up good

I really had a cruddy day up to 5pm today. Don't tell anyone, but I didn't get a shower this morning. My boy needed attention full time and he needed it pretty much until I left him at the sitter's. So I wasn't going to listen to a crying boy while I showered... oh well, life goes on, even with smelly arm pits.

So I was working one handed (holding Master Liam) and heard Orion start to Hack. I immediately put down the laptop and Liam and run to grab Orion so he doesn't throw up on my almost-white carpet... he runs under our bed, of course, so I had to grab a hind leg and get him out before the barf got trapped under the bed for a few years. I run him to the bathroom and try my best to hang on to him while he does his thing. Then I had to clean that up and lock him in the bathroom so he could clean himself up. YUCK!!!!! I go back to Liam and he's done a bang up job on my laptop... I couldn't see the screen and I was scared he had somehow broken my work's property! Ah! Some how he had pushed enough buttons the absolute correct way to dim my screen completely! Talk about a quick key! Wow, kiddo! I open the drapes so the sun can help me find my arrow so I can navagate to the system settings to get the brightness back. Thank goodness I didn't have to report to the boss that my kid ruined my workstation!

And speaking of the boss... I got to work and had to try to explain an expensive mistake I had made on a big pricey contract that the customer signed AND paid in full. It's a done deal and we can't go back to the customer to ask for a bit more money because Miss Gina made a minor but expensive mistake. And it's not like I work for a mom-and-pop shop so I could just fix the money loss with a "yeah, just take that out of my paycheck" kind of deal. Nope. This is a 24 Grand mistake! So this fix would be like "yeah, just don't pay me for a year" and all would be swell. I am just sick over this and my really nice boss is sick too. He doesn't want to get me in trouble with the execs... he really doesn't. So I feel even more sick cuz he's sick and it's just crappy that we can't fix it. PLUS he had me and my partner working so feverishly on a couple more big pricey projects that I never got a chance to "do that thing I do" I got home after 5pm with a nice pair of knockers to say the least! Ug... so I will have to dig in the freezer for archived food for Liam tomorrow. I hate that! All the frozen milk I have for him was produced before I went off the dairy, so I will have a gassy baby tomorrow night... not something I look forward to.

I feel so crappy already today because my sweet child has to stare at me do work in the morning (so my time isn't quality with him in the a.m.) and then I get to drop him off and go work some more in the afternoon. I am still in the mind set that Liam is the only baby I will ever have and I am missing these precious moments in the mornings and afternoons with him. He seriously already thinks I am THE most boring mom in the world. And I don't blame him at all. How sad is that? He is just getting more and more attached to me and I am getting more attached to him and this work thing is really breaking my heart. Plus I suck at work obviously, so it compounds the matter... why work when I could be doing the FUN not BORING mom thing? Well folks, because we need the paycheck that's why. Today is just an emotional one. I dropped Liam off and he looked up at Shari and did his goofy sweet grin at her. She totally didn't appreciate it! And so I broke down a little bit... I said, "Shari, he has been basically ignored this morning, he will need to be held a lot today, okay?" (with a tear in my eye) So I really hope she did that.

I held him a bunch when I got home today and it really made me feel better. He went down at 6:30. While he slept, Ian and I did some yard work. Liam woke at 8pm and we weren't finished so we put him in the Johnny on the threshold of the front door as the kitties were leashed out front with us. He just grinned at us while we finished up and we grinned back.

After washing up, I tried feeding him again and getting him back into the drowsy mode. I layed him in the crib and he just wasn't having it. So I took him and cuddled him in our bed and he just shut his eyes, stroked my face and started dozing off. He coos in his beginning-sleep... it is the sweetest thing (along with the face stroking). What a cuddler! And what a nice ending to a cruddy day!


Robin said...

You are a great mom, it is obvious to anyone who sees you with him that you absolutely adore your boy. You ARE doing what's best for your baby. Having a roof overhead and food on the table can't be beat. ANd you appreciate every cute thing he does, I am so proud of you.

Tori :) said...

You're doin great Gina!

Kristen said...

I can relate to how you feel. I work part time, and it breaks my heart every time I have to leave. Rest assured, Liam does not think you're boring. You're amazing to him, no matter what. Sleepy cuddles are the best thing in the world, are they not?!?! I love 'em.

I found you cuz you commented on my blog! ;-) I love finding new people. Come visit again sometime!!