Friday, June 02, 2006

Cuddle Complex

I am not sure what to do with my needy baby at night. Since he was sick last week, he has woken up basically every hour to either have me put his pacifier back in, hold him for a second, or to put him in bed with me. I try the pacifier first and sometimes that is all he needs... then if that doesn't work, I try picking him up for a minute then laying him back down. If that doesn't work I finally give up and put him in bed with me and he immediately conks out. Sneaky little thing... I now understand how parents get manipulated so easily by their very cute children.

I need my space. I do not like sleeping with a baby in my arms (well I do, but only when it's my idea). And why does he have such a complex about being alone that he has to wake up and check to see if we care enough to help him? Are we such bad parents by day that he has to check on the love-level during the night? I mean, really.

My only guess is that my milk supply is lower since he was sick and missed so many feedings those 3 days last week. OR he is finally using feedings for a comfort measure, which he has never done before. I really don't know what the dealio is. I want to fix it, but with a set work schedule each day I don't want to spend the few nights it takes to let him cry it out. I am tired enough with the constant interupted sleep as it is. I know I need to buck up and do it, but you've never ran into me in the middle of the night. I am a monster without at least 2-3 hours of good rest. (Well I guess I can be a monster in the morning too when I haven't slept well.) Granted once I get my butt out of bed in the morning, my body has become accustom to the lack of sleep that I actually can function on a daily basis... BUT I do long for a real night's rest.

Does anybody want to adopt my baby for a few nights and teach him how to sleep?


Little Hensley Fam said...

This is just a suggestion... just go with it. He will only be this little once, and then he will get older and not want to cuddle as much anymore. You'll get the every once in a while cuddling. Enjoy it. I co-sleep with my kids when they are less than a year, and then they get older they are in their own beds. With Eliza she starts in her bed, and then when she wakes up (usually does at least once) I get up and bring her to bed, and hook her up as I call it, and I go back to sleep. I've found I'm a much happier mom, especially in the beginning when they wake up a lot! And last night Eliza only woke up once after 5 hours which is great for her! So, she's improving. And I was up still (yes I was still up at 2 a.m.!) and so I took her downstairs and fed her then put her back in her bed, and she slept till 6:30a.m. Anyway, it's totally up to you on what you do. I'm sure you'll do fine with whatever. Sounds like you're doing a great job too!

Robin said...

It sucks, I know. I absolutely cannot sleep with a baby next to me whether I wanted to or not. Last night when Charlotte woke up less than 3 hrs after going to bed I just let her cry for 10 whole minutes-now that's the hard part and then I went in but didn't get her out of her bed, I just stroked her hair for a few minutes and she went back to sleep. The rest of the night was much better. I hope you can find a way that works for you, I know it can make an unhappy mommy which makes unhappy kids when we don't get our rest. I love ya. hang in there.

"working a whole lot damn harder than you" mom of more than one said...

Ok, I have been a casual passer-by on your blog for a few months now and have never commented, but your last post I just can't let go by. First of all, STOP WHINING. Why did you even have a kid? All you do is complain about how he is inconveniencing your life. Welcome to motherhood!

Secondly, just because you have a job outside the home does not mean that you do more work, need more sleep, or have less time for yourself than someone who chooses to stay home and raise their kids. You tote that title around like you should get a badge or something and then use it as an excuse to say that is why you are too tired or whatever. We're all tired and most of us are getting up just as much, earlier, or have more than one to worry about and we don't sit around talking about what a pain it is the couple of nights our sick baby needs us.

I'm sure you don't appreciate my comments, especially since I don't even know you, but really! You are a mom now. You have to sacrifice some things. Sometimes a lot of things. Is it always fun or what you want to do? No. But deal with it.

Cathy said...

Hey Gina, you posted on by blog a few times so I thought I'd check yours out... I'm Robin's cousin if you don't remember.

So first of all Liam is the cuttest little thing and I'm sure those pictures don't do him justice to how cute he really is. Seven months old is a fun age. I don't know from experience but I work at a daycare so I just get to play with a few of them.

And second of all, that last girl layed it out on you pretty hard for some reason. That's harsh for not even knowing you. I honestly didn't feel like you were whinning at all.

Sorry I'm stealing Robin from you

Gina said...

I am sorry I have offended you, working-a-whole-lot-damn-harder-than-you. My blog is for Liam's life history and for venting. I vent when I feel crappy, whether it's a moment of crappy or a week of crappy. I really don't believe that you are someone that hasn't commented before or that I don't know. BUT I have put my hats off to hard working ladies like you for ALL the work you do. If you have read my whole blog, you would know that I have admitted to being a wimp many times. And that I love my son and being a mom. Sorry to throw my working title around. I know if I was a SAHM that it would be just as hard sometimes. Maybe you are having a bad day or don't have a good support system, I don't know. I really don't know why you belted out in my comments, when you could have sent me an email. Again, sorry I offended you today and many other times apparently. For now, I feel like taking a break from blogging because maybe you aren't the only one that feels that way about my site. If you do know me, please call me or email me so we can talk. I would hate to think that anyone feels this way about me that is in my circle of friends.

Tori :) said...

Let me start by saying: "Working a whole lot...blah blah blah"- you need to chill & get a freakin' grip.

Gina- Been there done that with screwy sleep schedules. It sucks when the kiddos nite time schedules get all off. Liv has been kinda wacky since we got to Texas. And Taj has started his whole "CHOC NILK!!" thing in the middle of the nite- again. Ugh. Hang in there. It'll work itself out.

Lisa S. said...

Gina, I am looking forward to being a mom (which is to say, I'm excited about having kids, hopefully in the next couple years), and I absolutely love your blog! I don't know how you find the energy to post about all the joys and challenges of parenting. For me, it's a great way to keep up with your sweet little family :-) and also a very sincere insight into motherhood.

Being a mom (or dad) is hard work, and a huge sacrifice, and the most rewarding thing on Earth. I think if we can share the experiences, it will be even more rewarding, and maybe when little Liam is reading age, he'll realize how much you must love him to go through all this!

Thanks for sending me the link here, and thanks for not sucking it up and making parenting look like a walk in the park!

"working a whole lot damn harder than you" mom of more than one said...

As for how other's feel about your site, I wouldn't know. I don't even live in your state. I have never met you, like I said, and came across your blog via a friend's blog who was linked to another girl's blog (whom I've never met) and your link was on her blog. I've come back occasionally to see what you've written because in a way I was morbidly intrigued by your take on things. I apologize that I came across harsh, however, I don't apologize for what I said because it seems to be the truth according to what you write. And all these other people on here who say you aren't whining are either too nice to tell you or are also as "wimpy" as you.

Gina said...

There are so many other blog sites that are MUCH more blunt than I am when it comes to whoas of motherhood. So I don't know why mine stands out to you and I furthermore don't understand the allure of my site. I am curious about your life and why you seem so bitter towards me and my friends who support me. Encouraging words are always better than harsh ones... Everyone has thier way of coping with menial things. 3 months of blogging doesn't define a person's full persona. But I am a person and I do have feelings.

EvaRob said...

Hang in's just a phase and the sleep will come, promise!

Nikkie said...

Hang in there Gina, it will get easier. I got my little guy to sleep in his bed right away, but it was hard. I'd lay him down in his bed and sit in his room until he feel asleep. Then I'd leave. I started going closer and closer to the door each night so that I could lay him down and leave. That seemed to work. Each time he'd wake up, and he'd wake up a lot, I'd put him back down in his bed, if I didn't fall asleep nursing him, and do it all again. It takes forever, but it worked for me!

It also could just be related to him just getting over being sick. It should reslove itself. I really don't think its related to your milk supply if that helps!

Nettie said...

Wow, I am so sorry, Gina, that you were basically attacked after already having a tough time. It seems like you have hit a nerve with someone, probably reflecting her feelings about her own mothering more likely than about yours. (I feel I can say that since she basically called me either a liar or a wimp.) I honestly think you are doing a great job as a mother to Liam, and his happy smiles all over your blog are a testament to that.

I think you were expressing in this post something every mother has felt at least once.

As far as sleeping goes, how does he fall asleep at bedtime? I find that if my daughter falls asleep on her own in her crib at bedtime, she can put herself back to sleep better in the night. I do usually stay in the room till she's almost out, cause I really am a wimp and don't want to just let her cry.

Katie said...

Heck, why not? Here's my deleted reply:

Wow. I wish that "working a whole lot damn harder than you" mom of more than one would post her blog. It sure sounds like she has a great attitude about everything and I for one would sure like to learn from her near-perfect mothering skills.



Maybe that's why she didn't post as herself. Her blog might betray her flaws and human nature like Gina's does.

We're all just people, doing the best we can to raise our children. It seems awfully petty and hypocritical to do the very things we try to teach our children not to do---like picking on people we don't even know.

Mama Darlin' said...

Gina...this is my first time here, via Nettie, and I have great faith your abilities to raise your sweet little boy! I can say that you are not being a wimp, from someone who carries alot on her plate, including incurable illness, three kids, and a full time working-going to school husband.

Keep at it!!

By the way, Liam is to cute for words!!!

Anonymous said...

Blogging is not something I have much time for, however I feel compelled to respond here. It does seem that most of the comments here are of the kind nature, but when has that been a bad thing. I believe that you should be honest and sometimes an outsider can give a more objective view than say a family member or friend. In any event a BLOG does not define a person an nor shall the comments of the rogue blogger. I remember a simple phrase my Mother taught me "if you don't have anything nice to say........", well you get the point. It would appear either this is not being taught anymore or people simply feel an obligation to spout off because their lives are so boring or so filled with negativity that they want everyone around them to feel the same way. We all now people like that.
Gina, my advice to you is to grow a thicker skin. You have opened a window into your life and invited every Tom, Dick and Blogger to voice their opinion. Not everyone is going to see things the way you do. Rise above and reflect on why you started this BLOG. I suspect you will find the answer.


Gina said...

Thanks, Anti-Blogger. That was a great comment. The skin has already thickened. I guess I needed the lesson that not every reader is a friend and well-wisher. Thanks for passin' thru and taking the time to comment.

To all you friends and well-wishers, thank you for your support and encouragement. It does mean a lot to me! :)

Anonymous said...

Hey Gina - I hope my comments give you some hope for a relatively soon good night's sleep. It won't be easy, but I did it, and I know you can, too. Liam is a bit old for this, but I promise you, if you do it, sleep is just around the corner. I've nary met a child this doesn't work on. I know the idea of letting him cry it out sounds less than appealing, for many reasons. You're a very caring mother, and it's sooooo hard to do that, but unless you want him to get used to the idea of immediate attention in the middle of the night whenever he wants it, it's really the best for all of you. There is an entire method/philosophy behind it, and it definitely worked for me! Most kids only take 3 or 4 nights for it to take effect. Like I said, however, Liam is a bit older than most of the babies that I know of when attempting it. Here's the basic idea (you probably already know this, so forgive me if I'm telling you something you already know) - put him to bed at the usual time, and do not - no matter what - attend to him when he cries for 20 minutes. Then, don't pick him up, feed him or anything like that. Go in, comfort him by talking sweet to him - for no more than 2 minutes - rub his little head. Then leave. He will more than likely cry like never before, because he's used to something else. The next night, do the same thing, but wait 30 minutes, and spend only 1 minute. Next night, wait 45 minutes and spend only 30 seconds. Do this until you're not going in at all when he cries. It will be DAMN hard on you and Ian, but you can do it - then your problems are solved long-term. But don't give up. You may spend 4 or 5 very sleepless nights, but it will be worth it! Good luck!

I finally got to read this said...

Gina! I'm sorry to read about the negative comments above. I can't understand what kind of contribution that person thinks she is making. Please, do not stop blogging because of this. From what I can see you blog for support, and also to brag about your wonderful baby. I hope this unkind blogger does not inflict this emotional pain on her own children. You were too kind to her in your response. Better yet, in the future don't respond at all. Regards, Me

Kate the Great said...

Working-a-lot-damn-harder-than-you sounds like she needs some good therapy. The only she can do is vent her frustrations out on you. Maybe she should start a blog herself and posts links to it here, so we can all go attack her for something our opinions interpreted.

You are NOT whiny. You are one of the most patient people I know. And I gathered that from your blog, not from being in your presence.


Serenity Gibson said...

Gina...I went to school with you and was actually in your sisters class! Serenity Benge was my name is school. Anyway, I feel it is neccesary to comment here. I have a 5 year old that was born with Cri-du-chat syndrome, and everyday is a constant stuggle...and trust me, I understand where you are coming from! Being a mom is hard! Some people just don't want to admit it, or they are just unwilling to accept the fact that it is just that. I have wrote a blog on the subject as well on myspace, you are more than welcome to read it if you would like to! I just think that some people need to either stay in their own business or at least be nice. You have a right to feel tired and complain if you want to. It wouldn't be natural if you didn' me! There isn't a mother out there who hasn't had the same exact thoughts as you..they may have not said them or written them down, but they HAVE thought them....and if they say they haven't then they are lying! We've all had sleepless nights and I wish you well with the future! Please continue on with what you are will get better trust me...even Blaike (my 5 year old) has gotten better!