What is it with people (perfect strangers sometimes) trying to sell me on having more kids? Why do people care so much about how many children I create? Why does it matter?
Can a woman feel overwhelmed with one child and THAT be acceptable reason enough to NOT do it again? I am still up twice a night with my darling boy. He and I are dealing with teething at the moment (so even more sleep and patience is being lost). Why would having another baby be in the forefront of my mind these past 14 months? I am tired. I have very little freedom since his birth. Other than added blessings for having lots of kidlets and an in-house friend for Liam, the incentive isn't there for me. At this moment in time I am content with this ONE experience. So is my husband.
I find much joy in my boy. I find much stress in raising him too. I admire women who can handle more than one child while working outside the home. I really do. As much as I love the IDEA of a bigger family, I don't have the local support system or time at home to make it humanly possible for me to handle. I would quickly be committed to a looney bin if I had more than one child while working full time. That is me... I know me.
Do people not understand that if I create a child, I'd like to be the main caretaker? That taking my sweet baby to a sitter 5 days a week hurts my heart real bad? That there is no faith strong enough for me to some day quit working outside of the home? Stop trying to sell me! It's most likely not going to happen. I don't need people bullying me into thinking it's the right thing to do. What is right for me is a personal decision. I think I know me best. Certainly much better than a stranger that says, "so when will you have your next one..." or "you'll probably have a girl next..." or "Liam can't be an only child!"
Think what you will, but in my opinion it's not a "selfish" thing. It's more of an ability thing. I know what my abilities are, what my limits are for my unique living situation. It's not just the no sleep and guilt of working outside the home. There are many factors of any person's life that one doesn't necessarily wear on their sleeve. So why expect the standard-wanna-be-mommy-of-many from me? Just because there are mommies-of-many out there with medical ailments, abusive husbands, multiple problem children, etc... just because they can handle all that and yet another baby, doesn't mean I could with better conditions. That has to make sense to people... so why? Why try to sell me on something such as another human life!?
They say you forget. They say I'll do it again. Well folks, I am not sold.
Disclaimer: (Even though I hate disclaimers because it's my blog and I'll say what I want to...) My sweet readers, this is not directed at you. I am venting. Period. This is mainly directed at people who have no idea who I am past the fact that I have a cute son... people that do not read this blog. I consciously made the decision to become a mother. I wanted my baby before he was conceived. He was welcomed into our home with much celebration. Know that I love and adore my son beyond what words can express. There are moments I wish I could have another baby and relive some of the joys I've witnessed with him at each stage. Time is fleeting. I blink and miss something. Moms who don't mind this fact of babyhood and miss chunks of their child's development are just as good as moms who see their child 24 hours a day. I just happen to be a working mom that has a broken heart over the things I miss. I don't care to re-live the broken-hearted, guilty moments with another baby. That has been my opinion for the past 14 months.